The College Collective

Amidst the chaos of finals, end-of-the-year parties, and the summer job/internship hunt (more on this later), it’s so easy to forget that it’s almost time to move out of your home for the past school year. Your walls are plastered with art nouveau posters and tie-dyed tapestries, and your floor is strewn with dirty laundry and pop-tart wrappers. It’s hard to imagine that very soon, it will be time to pack your college life into your mother’s mini-van and go home for the summer. But it’s coming, and the move out date is sooner than you think (this is especially hard to imagine when you’re not even done with finals, let alone done with putting away your winter clothes).

But this is why I’m writing this, so that you may chance upon my guiding words and remember to find some cardboard boxes and start throwing some of stuff in there. I would suggest you start with the clothes, because you won’t be needing to wear all of your wardrobe in the next few days, particularly not long underwear and wool sweaters. Then you can move on to books you don’t plan on selling back the the University bookstore for next to nothing, and after that some of your posters and tapestries.

Start throwing away the large collection of empty liquor and beer containers proudly on display along your window sill, your parents still think they you spent that money on text books which you never bothered to purchase. Throw away any evidence of used contraceptives. As much as your parents would be proud that you’re being safe, it’s better if they think you’re don’t laid. While you’re at it, throw away the moldy apple cores and takeout containers already, I don’t need to come up with an explanation for this one.

When you have some spare time, go around the dorm and start asking people to return things that they have borrowed from you. Curly iron, masking tape, shoes, money, anything that you can remember, and while you’re at it, return things that you have borrowed as well.

This is important: do not get totally wasted on all your leftover alcohol the night before you move out (which means you should work on gradually getting rid of those too), because there’s nothing quite as horrible as carrying your worldly possessions down several flights of stairs with a severe hangover that you can’t complain to your parents about. Ok, there is something worse: explaining to your parents about the puddle of vomit outside your door and the naked person in your bed that you totally forgot was there.

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